Parent Complexities

One thing I never wanted for Morgan was to have a complex relationship between me and her father.  It’s just not something I wanted her to experience. I should say “want” her to experience. With that being said, she’s only two so anything that happens right now…she wouldn’t remember nor care about, which in hindsight, might be better for everyone. Let me be clear for those thinking the worse…absolutely nothing happens between me and her father negatively in-front of her. No yelling, no screaming, no hateful words, nothing but cordiality.

Because this is my blog and I feel like touching on sensitive subjects sometimes, this weekend, I spent a good amount of time thinking about the complexities revolving around relationships ending, parent complexities after separation or divorce and introducing someone new into the equation eventually and how the kid would react.

This all stemmed from me watching “Daddy’s Home 2”, which incase you haven’t seen it or heard about it…it’s funny (stars Mark Wahlberg & Will Ferrell) but also poses these complexities around “co-parenting in separate homes”, the kid missing out on specific things from one parent because of separation, etc. In the original film, Will played the step-father and Mark – “The Biological” dad who hadn’t been present for a while comes back into the picture, really playing on his kids want and love for him, while also dismissing and downplaying anything related to positivity for the step-father.  The kids still had this obvious love and adoration for their father, while treating the step-father with complete and udder disrespect and disgust in almost every situation, regardless of his loving intent and actions.

After watching, It made me think…Is this how it is? Do all kids show such disdain for the “newbie”, either male or female? Is this just how “white” kids act? Do other kids of other races act so hateful towards the idea of parental separation? Are girls meaner to the new male love interest her mother because of her disdain for missing out on the “biological” daddy daughter relationship or  is she just as nasty and hateful to the female love interest her father has or would have? (of course the little girl who played the daughter seemed to hate the step-father, even going so far as to constantly draw images of him dying or being killed or hurt) I mean just a slew of questions began worrying me.
Mostly, It had my mind racing about all the things that will change for Morgan because of this situation between me and her father.

But anyway…My thoughts on Morgan’s dad on any given day can range from him being an amazing dad to complete numbskull in minutes.  It’s a complexity that after 15 years together, I should be use too, even before we had Morgan. But I would hope that with all that we are going thru, that we both stress to Morgan that no love is lost but we need space and time and growth to be better people, parents, individuals, etc. and that only time will tell what will happen.  But it still doesn’t take away from the fact that when things are more permanent, how will she react to all of the change, if she even remembers it in the first place. How have others dealt with this? Is there a handbook or something? I mean really! My head could explode even thinking about everything I’m stressing about.

But…Fair is fair though right, I mean life is about changing and growth. No one should suffer thru a situation that isn’t working for them and plenty of couples don’t regardless of their kids opinions. (I actually agree).

I find that…I want it all.  I deserve it all. I deserve to be happy and so does he. I want Morgan to feel and know love. I want her to be happy and never have to stress about feeling less than because of whatever me and her father are going thru. I mean shit…Stress is a killer. I mean literally…a killer. I mean it can literally, physically and mentally…kill people. That is serious. I would never want my child to feel stressed about something that she doesn’t need to be worried about. Her father and I are ok. We are love, we are friends, we are connected thru the absolute unconditional love we have for her. But Why should anyone be unhappy? Being a parent or not. Happiness drives so much and when it’s not present in our lives, it’s reflective in everything we do and how we live.

Just thinking about all that goes into “parental complexities”.

Peace & Happiness,

L’Erin

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